They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
