mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
