I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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