masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
