So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was CRYING into my vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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