I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
