Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
