You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
