I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
