I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
