My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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