Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
