I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
