So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
