By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
