those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
