ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
