Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
