Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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