that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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