I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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