Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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