Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
