Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
