we're blogging at a bar
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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