Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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