Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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