Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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