I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
