I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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