so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
