Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
