He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize