fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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