i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
