can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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