one might say we're banned from that church
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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