"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
