the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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