WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
