Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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