So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
