yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
