Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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