got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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