we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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