If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
