Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
