her vagine was all disorganized.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
