I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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