All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
