All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize