yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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