i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
