Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
