only if we run a train.
done.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
