how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
