SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
