I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
did i walk over a car last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
