that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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