I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
