We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
