Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
operation harelip BJ is a go
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
