Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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