new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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