whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
