Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
