Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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