well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
