you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
