In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
