I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
