and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You've changed since you got that strap on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
