I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
