Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
