guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it was like his penis was on wheels.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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