i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
