Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
