when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.