I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.