well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
