omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?