Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.