I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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