We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
