I think I died a long time ago.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
