I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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