the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
