Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Small penises have feelings too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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