I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
