i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
