Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i've created a new STD.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
