There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
