Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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