oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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