He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
