Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
